God is amazing

When I returned to school this semester, I noticed my goals and plans had shifted substantially.  I’m definitely not the same person who entered Denison as a naïve freshman a year and a half ago, and when I think of those changes, I realize that I have no idea who I will be when I graduate from Grinnell.  Okay, that’s not entirely true . . . I have some idea, because I have different goals and different emphases this time around. 

Basically, I’m here for the complete college experience and not just the academics.  Yes, I did pick Grinnell primarily for the outstanding academics and the passionate, diverse students, and yes, I’m doing homework on a Saturday night, and yes, I’ll still write papers well in advance, but I’m also determined to do so much more.  I value the academics immensely and am thrilled by my classes, but I’m also excited by all the opportunities at Grinnell.  I can become involved in countless ways, and the only problem will be deciding which groups I care about most.

I’ve felt considerably less stress so far than at Denison, and I honestly believe it’s because I’m pursuing activities outside of the classroom.  I chose to put God first, and so far that decision has manifested itself through my commitment to attend Community Worship every Tuesday, a Bible Study every Thursday, and a prayer group on Friday.  Then today I skipped a captains’ tennis practice in favor of an all-day prayer workshop, something I never would have done at Denison, and I left that workshop feeling strangely renewed and at peace.  I was (and still am) aware of all the homework that needs to be completed for Monday, but it doesn’t worry me or stress me out.  I just calmly approach it and complete it because I want to, because at some point this education is going to bring glory to God. 

I want to elaborate briefly on the prayer workshop.  It wasn’t what I expected . . . at all.  I thought someone would talk about how to pray individually to God, how to stop your mind from . . . ooh, I should go check Facebook and then ooh, I really want to listen to that song . . . becoming distracted, how to worship God and give thanks through prayer, and things like that.  In other words, things related to me.  Instead, I came away with this profound sense of community and this feeling that, at this point in my Christian journey, I’m in the right place.  I definitely fought that idea when I was looking at schools – I thought Wheaton might be the right place, where I’d be surrounded by like-minded Christians and there wouldn’t be conflict and we’d always support each other.  I thought Grinnell wouldn’t provide a positive environment for Christians, but here is this group of people gathering to pray, to confess sins of unbelief, and to pray for each other.

The leader prayed over me and she brought tears to my eyes.  She really felt that I was meant to be there, and it’s just another of God’s little signs telling me I’m in the right place.  I told her that when I prayed I was struck by how I could be more loving, especially toward the tennis team, and she prayed that I would invite their questions, that they would be open with me, and that I would know what to say.  And then tonight a teammate started asking me about the workshop; and then my prayers habits; and then Christianity in general.  I couldn’t believe it.  Now I’m scared and excited for tennis tomorrow, because the leader had a brief image of the girls asking me questions while we practiced . . .

I don’t know these people very well yet.  I’m still a little apprehensive of Inter Varsity and what exactly their outreach entails.  Mostly seniors were there today, and I felt like I was witnessing inside jokes sometimes.  But then one guy walked through the door and enthusiastically welcomed me.  Jenn came over to say how glad she was to see me.  I knew I was welcomed and love no matter what.  Finally, I think I’ll be able to experience an awesome Christian community with my peers, an experience I’ve never had to date.  And at Grinnell, of all places.  God is truly amazing.

Oh, English class

"Adam seems to invent a bus under which to throw Eve.  After she manages to escape, she creates . . . let's say a minivan . . . for the snake." - Professor Steve Andrews discussing the shame and evasion following the Fall of Man in the Genesis story.

Somehow, all those times I've read Genesis, I managed to miss the part about the bus.  :)

Friendship

I’ve been musing recently about friendship and what it means to have a friend.  I really should be musing about how the Genesis creation story is embedded in Columbus’s journey to and encounter with the Americas, but I can hardly start that until I’ve procrastinated a bit with more interesting writing.

How do we make friends?  Why do we need friends?  What makes a good friend?  What does it mean to be a friend?  How does friendship work?  Right now, it feels like I’m breaking into friendships and ‘groups’ that developed prior to my arrival on campus, and it’s almost like I’m that exciting new commodity the transfer.  People are genuine when they speak with me, but they maintain ongoing dialogues with their friends that I simply don’t understand.  I feel very welcomed and happy at Grinnell, but somehow I still feel like an outsider in certain respects.  As a result, I start thinking about friends and what that even means.

I know why we need friends.  We’re social creatures.  It’s innate.  We need other people to survive.  Another theory I recently read (which is compatible with my short thoughts), suggests that people need friends to reassure themselves that they’re good people, that they’re successful, and that they’re loved, and that this need for recognition can be traced back to the Fall of Man.  Think about it.  In Eden, man and woman lived without shame in God’s presence.  They had a perfect relationship with God.  Now, we’ve lost that close, intimate connection.  We’ve become distant from God’s constant, reassuring, loving voice, and we want people to fill that hole for us.

I’m writing this without an outline, which is dangerous, as it leads to rambling like this, but regardless, I’ll continue on.  I don’t know how many friends I have at Grinnell right now.  However, I’m not at all concerned or worried, because at last I have a lot of acquaintances.  I’m putting myself out there, trying to show all aspects of me, and maybe someone will reach out toward me a little more.  Do I know the girls on the tennis team?  Yes and no.  I know names, faces, majors, where they live, but I don’t know them yet as people.  However, I know that is inevitably coming.  Are they friends now?  Yes, I think so.  I can count on them to help me out, to answer random embarrassing questions, and to do what they can to ease the transition.  Can they be better friends?  Yes, and I don’t mean that as a criticism of their behavior now, because they are all amazing people.  I mean ‘better’ only in the sense of a deeper, more profound connection, as two individuals who really start to know each other and to genuinely care for the other.  But what does that even mean or entail? 

I’m not sure if any of that made sense, but it’s really my first attempt to get some of those thoughts on paper.  Basically, friendship is a curious, elusive idea . . . as is my thesis for this paper.  Because yes, I’m supposed to construct an argument with only four-hundred words.

Day One (do not expect this consistency to continue)

After a rather hectic day, I think I feel a bit more oriented.  It also helps to know I’ve successfully registered for classes, and I can rest assured that I will be plenty busy come Monday.  Registering for classes = moment of happiness for me. 

I’m in three classes I really wanted (thanks to the help of my tennis coach, who obtained professors’ permission FOR me), and another one that surprised even myself and that hopefully will be interesting and not terribly demanding.  First of all, at Grinnell there are no minors, so I have to reevaluate my plans for my undergraduate education.  I’m majoring in English for sure and hopefully pursuing a concentration in linguistics.

As such, I’m taking English 227, an introduction to early American Lit (I believe.  I should probably look into that more thoroughly), and Humanities 102, which is required for the English major and involves early Roman and Christian literature.  I’m also taking Intro to Sociology, which is NOT in the humanities (how shocking!) and will hopefully jump-start my linguistics concentration. 

Then, I’m taking a Bio 220 class, which sounds slightly less terrifying when you realize it deals with bioengineering, genetics, et cetera and sounds like it has an ethical component, which will be quite interesting.  I do not know exactly what I’ve gotten myself into, but I’m trying to branch out and truly embrace the liberal arts education.  It certainly doesn’t hurt to be well-rounded, and as I know next to nothing about this subject matter, it will be, at the very least, an informative class.

My Minnesotan roots are also (thankfully) making themselves known, as I thought it not too bad outside this afternoon.  It turns out there is quite a difference between the -5 of this morning and the 7 of four o’clock.  Layers are key – today my outfit consists of a layering t-shirt, a short-sleeved plaid shirt, a moderately heavy purple jacket, my new winter coat, heavy gloves, warm scarf, and my famous purple hat.  Only after that is comfort almost achieved.  J

Introduction . . .

I suppose the proper way to start a blog would be to introduce myself; to tell you that I’m a sophomore at Grinnell College in Iowa, that I’m studying English and hope to add a linguistics concentration, that I’m an avid reader, a voracious tennis player, and an introspective, introverted thinker.  As an aspiring writer, I would probably explain that I’ve conquered NaNoWriMo twice and completed 1.9 other novels potentially worth reading.  I would also confess I have no plan for my life after college and grad school except that I want to serve God and write. 

It would maybe be intelligent to mention that I began my college education at Denison University before taking a semester off and deciding to transfer to Grinnell, that I love editing my papers, and that I find homework to be a welcome challenge.  I would perhaps briefly mention that religion and faith is an ever-changing wonder for me, and that my journey in faith over the past semester has been tumultuous but revealing and rather exciting at times.

But those aren’t really the topics with which I plan to start this blog.  Instead, I wish to explain the title of my blog, “The Faces That You Meet.”  It comes from “The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock,” a poem by T.S. Eliot.  During my semester off, I discovered the subtleties and brilliance of Eliot’s two major poems, “Prufrock” and “The Wasteland.”  The futility and paralysis of Prufrock is especially poignant, and his portrayal of the world as fragmented in “The Wasteland” is moving.   Each time I read “Prufrock,” two lines continuously captivate me:

“There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet”

Initially, I find this sentence to be reassuring.  It calms me to know that I will have time to prepare myself to meet other people.  I like the repetition, because it suggests I can compose myself before I socialize.  With this reading, “face” acts as a synecdoche, taken to mean the entire person. 

However, as I continued to reread the line, I realized that Eliot literally meant “faces.”  This is realistic but depressing.  I’m not preparing myself, my mind, or my personality to meet people: I’m actually preparing my face, a superficial identity to meet all the other superficial identities around me.  And this is a tragic statement about the state of our society.  We walk around with our faces and adhere to societal norms and only let people see a part of us.  It’s like judging a book by its cover; we best prepare our faces, our external layer, because that creates the first impression.

So as I return to the college atmosphere, I must remember that, while I present my face to the world, I can’t be afraid to show more of myself to people.  My face is composed of intensity and concentration, and I have to move beyond that to show people that I do have a goofy side.  I also know that I will meet a lot of faces and that sometimes the relationship will stop there.  This blog is about the faces that I meet and what lies beneath those faces, but it’s also about me and what goes on beneath my external personality.

Sometimes I’ll write ‘superficially’ and provide the basic college updates most of you desire.  Other times I’ll go deeper, moving beyond the statement of facts to contemplation, exploration, questioning, and wonder.  It’s an adventure for me, and I hope to convey that throughout my blog.  Thank you for reading!